It has been hard for me to wrap my head around the death of Michael Jackson. He is culture, he just was. Anybody who was born after 1984 doesn’t get it just as much as anybody born before 1960 doesn’t get hip hop. I never invested too much personally in him, but I was a kid in the mid-80s, so I didn’t need to. His death is like that of a friend you have already given up to addiction or cancer or something. All of the emotional acrobatics were worked through long ago. The questionable stranger who died is not the man you loved and said goodbye to years back. Still, it hurts that there is a finality, with the death of a tragic monster, that our friend will never return. I don’t know how to feel or what to say, so I offer a playlist.

This is a bit of a rebuttal to the heartfelt formal tribute this site paid with my good friend Skye Zentz’s rendition of “Heal The World.” Instead of trying to parse my feelings ultimately, I’m going to improvise a ten song playlist of my favorite Michael moments in song. Back when I was trying to weasel my way in at the late, lamented Port Folio Weekly, I made a habit of capitalizing on the deaths of cultural heroes such as George Carlin and Bo Didley. I have no angle on or understanding, however, to attempt an encapsulation of Michael Jackson. Unlike other cultural icons, I can feel no fanboy ownership of his legacy. He belonged, more than anybody else in the world, to everyone. His decline hurt us all and we all felt a twinge of abstract guilt over it.

Given that, I don’t really feel comfortable putting my name on this. This is an invitation to share via the format of silly pop culture listing exercise. I’m dictating some format, just because this is the kind of thing we can all get into a gushing loop on. Ten songs. Don’t overthink it. No taking out a notebook and honing it. Just the first ten you think of and what they mean to you.

1. “Don’t Stop ‘Till You Get Enough”
I hate to claim the standard hipster opinion, but sometimes it is correct. Off The Wall is the masterpiece, Thriller is the blockbuster. Bad is good. Dangerous is the sweat visibility moment. Everything afterward is best not mentioned.
As much as radio formats and psychographics pander to politics and hate now, it was actually worse in the late ’70s and early ’80s. One of the many examples of how Michael permanently altered our culture is the fact that his undeniable charisma effectively integrated MTV.
Before that, however, racism and homophobia expressed through pop music dogma were at their most blatant in the “Disco Sucks” movement. Michael was a superhuman disproof of this hatred (Thriller would transform him into some kind of intangible extraterrestrial, a completely inaccessible perch that afforded him the freedom to descend into the kind of decadent madness even I can’t conceive of). With Quincy Jones at the height of his pazz and jop artistry, “Don’t Stop ‘Till You Get Enough” was an irrefutable siren call for the all-inclusive ecstasy of disco.

2. “Dirty Diana”
A song I hadn’t thought about for years until I, zombie-like, searched the stations for Jacko retrospectives right after his death. Killer melody, and an oddly persuasive sexual thrust even after the artist had descended from beautiful young black man to asexual, aracial possible pederast.

3. “Billie Jean”
Indelible bass nicked from Steely Dan (go back and listen to “Do It Again”). “Beat It” had the rock edge, “Thriller” had that video, but this was the complete package that explains exactly why Thriller was not just a big fcuking deal, but the biggest fcuking deal ever albumwise. Back to back with “Dirty Diana”, it also gives a strange window into the pathological distrust of women and disgust with heterosexual adult relationships which makes us question, retrospectively, the wisdom of exalting a pre-pubescent musical genius as a romantic sex idol. Man, we did a number on this kid.

4. “I’ll Be There”
So how did a confused and abused kid earn the mind-warping pressure of being a superstar sex object? Check right here. What was he, like, 12? And still, listen to this and I want to fuck him. This is one of the most transcendent romantic Motown ballads ever. The other master of those with a conflicted abusive background was Marvin Gaye, and he got warped as a grown ass man. But what was Michael, like, 12? Somehow, when I listen to this song (as with Marvin’s), I manage to forget for three minutes about the traumatic psychosexual tragedy and pathology that surround the timeless artist.

5. “Rock With You”
What a lost opportunity that Michael wasn’t interested in seducing women. Who could say no to this come on? Listening to Michael’s best songs, the world just melted away, didn’t it?

6. “Somebody’s Watching Me”
Prince always trumped Michael for crafting unforgettable pop songs for forgettable acts, but Michael did his part by dropping this gem and singing the chorus for Berry Gordy’s untalented son. One of the many delights of the Halloween season is hearing bar DJs dust off this ’80s treasure. Today’s ubiquitous Geico commercials have coasted on the songwriting, but the electro-lite remake can’t capture the spine tingly dingly pleasure of Michael on this track.

7. “Man In The Mirror”
If we had to tribute Michael with one of his treacly ballads, couldn’t we have gone with this one? Surely he was one of the more epically conflicted personae of modern times, but “MITM” can spark a tear from anybody who has ever had to question themselves about anything. While his heartfelt appeals to the whole damn world drip into bathos, this anthem to tough introspection resonates deeply.

8. “Lisa, It’s Your Birthday”
So here we have the biggest pop sensation of all time (I’m staking that claim for the future as well, as the information age has made another Jacko impossible) doing a psuedononymous appearance on the best television program of all time (I’m also staking that claim for the future, as nothing on TV will ever be as great as “The Simpsons” seasons 3-8).

Michael wasn’t doing great by his standards in the early ’90s. Dangerous was a perfect example of an artist working too hard to do what he felt he was supposed to, instead of just making magic happen lightly and naturally. As hard as he was visibly working and as much his sweat was caked on the promotional push for Dangerous and his self-coronation as the “King of Pop”, he was much better in a forum he felt the stakes were lower and he didn’t have to worry about his persona or legacy.

Michael Jackson appeared on one of those early seasons of “The Simpsons” where James L. Brooks schmaltz still held major sway, and he provided a perfect Brooksian ending to the episode where a fat, bald, yellow Michael Jackson impersonator helps single-episode-Jackson-fanatic Bart craft a sincere expression of love to his much-abused little sister. Either you immediately know this tune or the lyrics will jog you into a nostalgic haze:

Lisa it’s your birthday
God bless you this day
You gave me the gift of a little sister
And I’m proud of you today

Lisa it’s your birthday
Happy birthday Lisa
Lisa it’s your birthday
Happy birthday Lisa

I wish you love and goodwill
I wish you please and joy
I wish you better than your heart desires
And your first kiss from a boy

Lisa it’s your birthday
Happy birthday Lisa
Lisa it’s your birthday
Happy birthday Lisa

And if you still don’t know, I pity you.

9. “Smooth Criminal”
Megastars aren’t supposed to drop soulful, noir drenched unique dance songs, but he totally did.

10. “Off The Wall”
More jizzy hyperbole still doesn’t do justice. You know how great this song is. I’d just like to throw in a shout-out to Rod Temperton (very overlooked and amazingly brilliant). And now that I’ve worked through a bit of it, I miss Michael.

How about yourself?